The bit-tech Cheesecake Supertest 2

Sainsbury’s Raspberry Cheesecake

Alex: We’ve got another lemon one to come, so let’s space that out with a raspberry cheesecake now. This is from Sainsbury’s and it’s got the same swirls of jam on top as the Tesco cheesecake. Bog standard packaging. In fact, to be honest, it could have come from the exact same factory.

Joe: Look at how dry the bottom of that looks.

Alex: That could be a good thing though. I mean, as long as it holds together…Anyway, let’s have the vital statistics.

Harry: The little pie chart on this that shows the nutritional information is all red. The little health-wheel is almost saying ‘Danger, Will Robinson! Heart attack calling!’ This thing is all red! Red, red, red…

Alex: Sooner or later we’ll have packaging that actually flashes because the food contains so much stuff that’s bad for you. The box will have to beep at you to warn you away.

Rich: One sixth of this cheesecake provides 312 calories, 16.1g of fat, 29g of sugar and a touch of salt.


Harry: That’s got to be the chart-topper so far in terms of sugar.

Alex: It’s pretty bad, so let’s dive in! It looks like the Tesco one, swirls of jam, but it’s a bit more yellow, oddly.

Joe: It’s soft. Ooo, it’s soft! And tough at the base!

Alex: Joe’s been saving up his double entendres for this, I think.

Harry: Base fail. Base fail. It just disintegrates into crumbs, but you need a crowbar to get down to it.

Joe: It’s quite tasty though. Quite nice. Like the first. I’ll admit though that I’m mainly impressed that we’ve been through four cheesecakes in about 15 minutes and nobody has yet either thrown up or got their belly out, like Tim did last year…wait, do you need a hand with that, Rich?

Alex: Rich needs a shovel, is what.


Harry: The base is crumbly, but the gooey, cheesy majority of the cake is actually really, really nice.

Alex: I wouldn’t go that far. It’s not really nice. It’s passable.

Rich: It is vile.

Joe: Actually…euch…yeah. I’m changing my opinion on the second mouthful. It’s like a ball of fat rolling around my mouth, like candlewax.

Harry: I really like that. Go Sainsbury’s.

Rich: Ooo. I can feel the heart palpitations starting.

Clive: It tastes like raspberry jam and I don’t like raspberry jam. It’s too sugary. Not a fan of that.

Joe: Mmm. I’m still going to have some more.

Alex: Two left, both from Waitrose.

Joe: I have to say, I like how the Tesco strawberry cheesecake said it was ‘divine, fruity and smooth’ and this one just says ‘Raspberry cheesecake’, even though they are pretty much the same. The Tesco one gets you all excited and your expectations up, but then…